{"id":4220,"date":"2026-07-09T08:05:07","date_gmt":"2026-07-09T08:05:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/durhammovinghub.com\/?p=4220"},"modified":"2026-07-09T08:05:07","modified_gmt":"2026-07-09T08:05:07","slug":"carolyn-hax-marriage-breaking-over-addicted-stepson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/durhammovinghub.com\/?p=4220","title":{"rendered":"Carolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Carolyn<\/b>: My 52-year-old stepson is a heroin addict. I have been married to his father for almost 25 years. There are two other sons who are lovely, successful people. The addict stepson has been in trouble with the law since his teen years.<\/p>\n

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When his father and I married, I was the more financially stable by a wide degree, so I wanted to keep our finances as separate as law allowed. We decided easily who would pay for vacations, finance home repairs, buy cars, etc. Frankly, our marriage was astonishing in its ease. It felt like a fairy tale for the first 10 years.<\/p>\n

Since then, my husband\u2019s financials changed dramatically for the better and his income is over twice mine. We easily rearranged what we pay for to reflect this.<\/p>\n

When I first met the addict son, I was willing to help out. He was in his early 20s, back in town, looking for work, not an addict then. The \u201chelp\u201d he gets is now our single biggest expense. It is almost always cash, straight to his pocket. At this point, he is barely making excuses, just a text saying, \u201cI need $50 for gas.\u201d And out the money goes. We gave him money to buy a car and he never bought it. He got a settlement from an accident and lied about where that money went. We have spent well into five figures for attorneys.<\/p>\n

I attempted counseling, which my husband was a good sport about. We agreed not to give any more cash, but we never followed up. He lies to me about the money and doesn\u2019t seem to realize I consider him untrustworthy. I worry he may be borrowing money.<\/p>\n

The son says he\u2019s in a methadone program, and he was, but I am doubting it now. The son lies and lies and lies, and my husband says he can\u2019t not help his son, even when he catches him lying. I have tried to just accept this, but I haven\u2019t managed it. I have tried to leave him, but I haven\u2019t managed that, either. I want my fairy tale marriage back!<\/p>\n

– Anonymous<\/p>\n

Anonymous: Of course you do. But no one goes back.<\/p>\n

So I urge you to harness the same openness that brought you those happier times toward dealing with these tragic ones.<\/p>\n

Namely, accept that your husband won\u2019t stop helping his son, who has a potentially fatal illness. Then, arrange your finances to insulate the money you need for a good life – present and future – from what your husband needs. for his son. You tried to stop the spending and couldn\u2019t, then to leave and you couldn\u2019t, so: honesty and containment.<\/p>\n

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Your husband would agree to that, yes? So set it up by deciding how much cash you can set on fire without imperiling your way of life, then put that aside as the sole resource for your husband to use toward his son. The rest goes under your control.<\/p>\n

Obviously, your husband can access marital money in other ways, or sign for debt. The point of the exercise isn\u2019t to lock up every cent; it\u2019s to replace conflict and hiding with acceptance and a plan.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re thinking \u201cbeen there, tried that,\u201d allow me to ask: 100% acceptance? That your husband won\u2019t stop trying to keep his son alive? Because that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n

Readers suggested Al-Anon and Nar-Anon to help you with this. Consider another counseling \u201cattempt,\u201d too.<\/p>\n

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com\/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.<\/p>\n

Washington Post<\/i><\/p>\n

This story was originally published July 8, 2026 at 5:46 PM<\/span> with the headline “Carolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson.” <\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

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Carolyn Hax for Thu, 09 Jul 2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4219,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-read-todays-edition"],"yoast_head":"\nCarolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson - Durham Moving Hub<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/durhammovinghub.com\/?p=4220\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Carolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson - Durham Moving Hub\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Carolyn Hax for Thu, 09 Jul 2026\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/durhammovinghub.com\/?p=4220\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Durham Moving Hub\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-09T08:05:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/bf1f081e7f06a3ab66052e5f6015fd85\"},\"headline\":\"Carolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-09T08:05:07+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220\"},\"wordCount\":696,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1988b76b9439e9c2c82c07d16c6d18e7.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Read today's Edition\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/durhammovinghub.com\\\/?p=4220\",\"name\":\"Carolyn Hax | Marriage breaking over addicted stepson - 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